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A middle-aged man and woman met, fell in love and got married. On their wedding night they settled into the bridal suite and the wife said to her new husband, "Please promise to be gentle. I'm still a virgin." "But how can that be?" the startled husband said. "You've been married three times before." "Well," she explained, "my first husband was a psychiatrist, and all he ever wanted to do was talk about it. My second husband was a gynecologist, and all he ever wanted to do was look at it. And my third husband was a stamp collector, and all he ever wanted to do was.... God, I miss him!"
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Funny things to do when driving...
Vary your vehicle’s speed inversely with the speed limit.
Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to head bang.
At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors.
Two words: Chicken suit.
Write the words “Help me” on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better.
Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone.
Laugh a lot. A whole lot.
Stop at the green lights, Go at the red ones.
Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.
Eat food that requires silverware.
Pass cars, then drive very slowly.
Sing without having the radio on.
Honk frequently without motivation.
Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an angry look and an obscene gesture.
Ask people for Grey Poupon.
Let pedestrians know who’s boss.
Look behind you frequently, with a very paranoid look.
Restart your car at every stop light.
Stop and pray to road kill.
Get in the fast lane and gradually...slow...down... to a stop. Then get out and watch the cars.
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